The Accidental Perfectionist (5 tips to release the burden)
Release the Burden, Unleash Your Superpower
I was shocked. In the wake of taking a mini-assessment around personality types, and finding out that I most closely aligned with “The Perfectionist”, I was a bit appalled. I mean, I’ve always been hard on myself, but I never thought of myself as a “perfectionist”. For crying out loud, my mother used to joke that my motto was “good enough”, so much so that she said they should include it on my gravestone!
It doesn’t mean that I need every little thing to be perfect. Far from it. But what it does mean is that I tend not to share what I’m working on until it is finished, and something I deem to be worthy of publicizing. I don’t enjoy posting on social media, because the posts never seem up to snuff. And I was stopping myself from reaching for my dreams, for fear of failure. Welp, turns out, all of that means I’m a perfectionist who beats myself up too much.
Surprised to learn of my perfectionism, I'm now learning to use its power to drive success while releasing its stress-inducing burdens, such as public opinion. In the DISC assessment, the “I” stands for Influence and represents how much someone enjoys being social, and cares about what others think, and wants their approval. Even though my DISC assessment shows low 'I', it turns out I care so much what I think that it's like I care what others think – when I actually don’t. But I make myself into what I think I need to be. It’s exhausting.
I’m ready to break free from that, are you? If so, here are some tips. We’ll work through them together.
Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. While it can drive us to achieve great things, it can also lead to anxiety, procrastination, and burnout. Releasing the grip of perfectionism doesn’t mean we’ll be abandoning high standards; instead we’ll be finding a healthier balance and embracing progress instead of endlessly pursuing an elusive ideal.
Here are 5 tips to help you release perfectionism and harness your true potential. I’ve given examples specific to writing and yoga, since here at Ink & Asana, that’s what we’re about, but these tips can apply to absolutely anyone.
Embrace the "good enough".
Not everything needs to be flawless. Sometimes, "good enough" is truly good enough, especially for tasks that don't have high stakes. I need to take my own advice here, and remember that motto.
In writing: Instead of spending hours agonizing over the perfect first draft, aim for a complete draft. You can always revise and refine later. The goal is to get your ideas down, not to publish a masterpiece on the first try.
In yoga: Don't strive for the most advanced pose in every class. Focus on somatic attunement instead of “perfect alignment”, and listening to your body. A "good enough" pose that feels right is far more beneficial than a strained attempt at perfection.
Set realistic expectations.
As perfectionists, we often set impossibly high standards for ourselves. Take a moment to assess if your expectations are truly achievable. Bring the bar down.
In writing: If you're starting a new writing project, don't expect to write a best-selling novel in a month. Break it down into smaller, manageable goals, like writing a certain number of words each day or completing a chapter each week. As I explore in my upcoming book, the writing is the accomplishment - for it is in the expression, the expulsion of our thoughts and feelings that we find progress in our souls.
In yoga: Understand that progress in yoga is super gradual. You won't master every pose overnight. Celebrate small improvements, like holding a balance a few seconds longer or deepening a stretch slightly. And just as with writing, it is the inner experience that is the real win here.
Focus on the process, not the product.
Shift your attention from solely the end result to the journey of learning and growth. Enjoy the trip!
In writing: Enjoy the act of writing, the exploration of ideas, and the crafting of sentences. The joy of the process can be just as rewarding as the finished piece. For it is in this process where the true transformation can happen - in how we see our story, and ourselves.
In yoga: Appreciate the feeling of movement, the connection to your breath, and the mental clarity that yoga brings. The physical benefits are a wonderful byproduct, but the present moment experience is key.
Practice self-compassion.
Be kind to yourself when you make mistakes or fall short of your own expectations. Treat yourself with the same understanding and encouragement you would offer a friend. Journaling about this is immensely helpful.
In writing: If you experience writer's block or a piece isn't flowing, don't berate yourself. Take a break, try a different approach, or simply acknowledge that creative processes have their ups and downs. Move on to something else for a while and come back later.
In yoga: If you wobble in a balance pose or can't quite reach a certain stretch, don't judge yourself. Simply readjust, breathe, and try again, or modify the pose to suit your body. Enjoy your uniqueness and the process of finding what works for you, just you.
Seek feedback (and learn to filter it).
Constructive criticism can be invaluable for growth, but it's important to differentiate helpful feedback from unhelpful negativity. One of our worst fears can be negative feedback - but when it is truly constructive, we’ll need to make ourselves wide open to it. It is in that discomfort that we will grow.
In writing: Share your work with trusted readers who can offer honest and supportive feedback. Learn to discern which suggestions resonate with your vision and which you can respectfully set aside.
In yoga: Whether you use video classes or attend live sessions, listen to your instructor's cues and adjustments. They are there to guide you, but ultimately, you are the expert on your own body. Take what serves you and leave the rest.
Releasing perfectionism is an ongoing journey, not a destination. By integrating these practices into our lives, we can transform our pursuit of excellence into a more joyful and sustainable path, allowing our true superpower to shine without the heavy burden of unrealistic demands. Let’s let all that go, while giving ourselves the grace of understanding that this, like writing and like yoga, is also a practice. That means a daily mindful focus on releasing perfectionism won’t be perfect (!), but we’ll improve every day.
-LC
